2018-11-29

The Mountain Between Us

It's Me, Sophee! 2010.


Dear you,
Before I decided to went away,
We already have a mountain between us,
We don't have a good conversation,
After a bad day comes around,
I left you without saying goodbye,
But it's stupid when after all of this time,
I lose my mind and suffering,
I wonder could it be,
When I was thinking about you,
you were thinking of me.

Dear you,
Today we don't talk anymore,
Like we used to do,
The mountain between us is getting bigger,
The distance between us is further away,
Time has obliterated everything,
but sometimes I have been thinking,
How to start this relationship again.


Dear you,
So much I need to say,
Been suffering since the day,
The day I walked away,
Far away from you.
So sad but true,
For me we are friends,
But my heart hurt,
I guess I'm not your friend.

Dear you,
Been crying since the day,
The day imperfect situation happened,
I wonder what I heard is true,
When I was crying because of you,
You are crying because of me.

Dear you,
Since I heard you cry,
So much T need to say,
I'm sorry for everything,
For every imperfect situation.

With Love,
#Sofinah696


Come Back My Friend

It's Me, Sophee! 2011.



You and I
Fighting inside
Killing Each Other
By silent and Ignorance

You and I
Fighting inside
Blaming each other
By Misunderstand

You and I
Fighting inside
Breaking each other
By miscommunication

You and I
Ending the story
By unclear fighting
After all, this happened
What's worth fighting for?

The pain getting wider
We look a place to hide
Your heart
My heart
Broken
and we are in ruins


Life is difficult
and destroy us
But love can not lie
Let's stop this fighting
Let's start talking
Don't keep hiding
You have my heart to stay

Sorrow will gonna say goodbye,
My friend.

With Love,
#Sofinah696


2018-11-28

The Reason Is You

It's Me, Sophee! 2008.

The Reason - Hoobastank



I'm not a perfect person
There's many thing I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear


I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

With Love,
#Sofinah696


2018-08-09

14 Days Without Internet

It's Me, Sophee! 2010.

Hello Everyone,

I'm bad mood right now because of our home Wi-Fi not functioning well. Maybe because of weather or our modem was broke. Last week, Mr.Bee and I went to TM Point and re-setting our new modem but internet still not working as usual.

Today, Mr.Bee and I using Digi data from his device. Crap! The quota so limited and I can't use it all the time. So, I hope we can ask for the technician to repair about this problem soon.


What I've been doing while no internet at home?

I'm Reading an English book.
Random doodling in my Doodle book.
Writing plan and story in my journal.
Making cincai deco to my journal. Lol.

Actually, without the internet is fine for me because I can do anything I love at home but I'm tidak keruan about my online work yang bertimbun. Hhuhuu... When the internet has a problem, my kerja will be tertangguh tangguh laa... Huwargghh! Termasuklah blog ini dan blog yang lain akan terabai... Terpaksa tulis kat words dulu. Lol.

Sticker tak banyak. Lukis sendiri je...gunting dan tampal.

Kulit diary dah pudar (Purple - Gambar Kanan). So, Tukar kepada Pink. Buat sendiri. Kulit beli kat Mr.DIY.

Doodling. Kalau nak tengok lukisan saya yang lain, boleh ke Instagram @sopheestudio.

Sambil saya layan Doodle, Mr.Bee layan mewarna Owl ni. Kekeke...

With Love,
#Sofinah696




This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writing. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya...Jika korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-25

88 Love Life for The Peanut

Dear Kak Peanut / Kak Nadrah,

Assalammualaikum and Hi Kak Nut / Kak Nad. How are you? Since 2013, I never meet you again. Never, never, never including via Facebook or anything social media. Your Facebook looked very quiet since 2013. After a year I left you and other colleagues, I had tried to contact you but you not respond to me. Are you doing okay?

I heard from my cousin that you left the company neither and something went wrong.

us - 2011
Almost 5years we don't talk. Not only me but I heard you not respond to our fellow friends too. What exactly happened? If you read this, I hope you will contact me via anything that you like such as an email, Instagram, Sarahah, or Blog. Very easy to find me. I'm a blogger right now and I'll always online.

I wrote this up for you because of 2 days ago I had a good read about Love and Life. I bought a book titled #88LoveLife. Do you ever read that?

Oh Ya! Before that, I want to tell you that I write this use an English because of I'm practicing writing in English right now. I know you will understand because you're better in the English language than me. Right? I'm sorry if some grammar is wrong.

Back to the topic. About the book titled #88LoveLife. The book author name's Diana Rikasari. You know what? She reminds me of you. Her characters, fashion, voice, and her hairstyle looked like you.

However, it's not the point. The book's contents bring me to thinking of you. I hope that I can share this book's content with you and cheer you daily up. This book will brightening yourself again and you'll be sparkling like a firework.

I don't know. Maybe you can listen to Katy Perry's song, Firework. Then, you'll understand what I mean. Because of you're not here and I lost contact with you, so I can't share this book directly to you.

I hope you'll read this post and go to the bookshop or online to buy this book. This book now has 3 volume. You should read it all. Please get it. It's okay if you don't want to contact me but I want you to read it.

I also want to tell you that we love you. Your friends' miss you.

I think that's all I want to tell you.

With Love,
#Sofinah696

This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writting. YyeahH! unexpected!

#04 : English Past & Easy - Can I Put You On Hold?

Hello Everyone,

In this post, I'll share with you my #04 : English & Easy Challenge.

Also, read :



On page 4, I learned about "Can I put you on hold?." That's means please wait during a phone call. For example :

Example 1

A : "Can I speak to the manager?"
B : "Can I put you on hold for a minute? I'll see if he's here."

Example 2

A : "Hello, ABC Food Shop? Do you sell brown sugar?"
B : "Can I put you on hold while I go and check?"

My real story based on "Can I put you on hold." phrase.

In 2011, I worked as a Supervisor in the Management Information System Department.  This job wasn't easy because I haven't any experience in this position. I also haven't learned about this during school. I got up the courage to accept this position at the time.


My opinion, I can learn this job from an experience people in the company. I mean people in the same location as me. After a few months later,  I discover that they're no experience about how this department run except the basic.

So then, I tried to learn this job thru other people in the same department but different branch. Because of we're miles apart, I learned via phone call.

One of them is my favourite person. She is in Sarawak. She's so kind and sociable. I ever met her once. She also a funny person. We met in Selangor during MIS training. Since then, I close with her and we contact often.

After that, when I have a problem with my work, I asked her how to solve it. I called her excitedly even I have a problem because she's my great friend. I love to talk to her. "Hello X! Hiii...How are you doing? Any latest story to share with me?". She will reply to me more excited, "Hiiii Sofieeeee...I'm fine! Oh my god! Of course...But first, what your lunch today?". Then we talked and laughed without care people around us. After talked for 2 minutes or more, she asked me, "Are you okay today? Everything smoothly?". She always excited about helping me and I don't know why. If her not sure about my problem, she was willing to check out her notebook or asked someone else who better about the matter. "Uh..I'm not sure about this... Can I put you on hold for a minute, Sofie? I want to check my notebook first...", She said.

End of the year, I lost contact with her. I have got an internal problem and I forgot to tell her my new phone number. I also forgot to write down her phone number in my diary. When I checked her Facebook account, her Facebook was looking too silent. She wasn't online anymore.

So, That's all my short story about me using "Can I put you on hold?".

Thanks for reading this post.

With Love,
#Sofinah696

This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writting. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya...Jika korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-23

#03 : English Past & Easy - Drop By

Hello Everyone,

In this post, I'll share with you my #03 : English Fast & Easy challenge.

Also, read :

On page 3, I learned about "Drop by". That's is means visit for a short time. For example :

Example 1 

"I'd like to show you some samples. Can I drop by your office later?"

Example 2

"I dropped by the camera store to get our photographs."

 My real story based on "Drop By" in past tense. So, It's "Dropped By."

After SPM, I tried a new thing in my life. I went to work as a part-time promoter. After a few months, I got promoted to upgrade my job as an artist in the Visual Merchandise Department by my boss. I  also trained as a Human Resource staff to absorb me as a permanent staff later.


For me, It's a miracle because I got this experiences in the same year. But, I can't stay in this job too long because I change my mind to further my study as a form 6 student at Semela.

I make so many friends of different ages during I worked there. They're so kind and humble to me. I love to spent my time with them during I worked together with them. But, since I continued my study, I can't meet them often as before. So I'd dropped by their office to met them on weekends or school holiday. Sometimes, I invited them to lunch together at a restaurant.

Dropped by their office to meet them so much fun and it's worth it!

So, that's all my short story about me using "Drop By" phrase.

Thanks for reading this post.

With Love,
#Sofinah696

This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writting. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya...Jika korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

#02 : English Fast & Easy - Alan Lee is Mr. Lee Not Mr. Alan

Hello Everyone,

In this post, I'll share with you my #02 : English Fast & Easy challenge.

Also read :


On page 2, I learned about the exactly to call Mr. or Mrs. If we want to call someone name in formal, we must call them used their last name. If your boss name is Alan Lee, so we must call him Mr. Lee Not Mr. Alan. More example :

Example 1

A : "I'm Bill Jones."
B : "Nice to meet you, Mr. Jones."

Example 2

A : "I'd like you to meet Don Clinton."
B : "Hello Mr. Clinton"

My Real story based on "Alan Lee is Mr. Lee, not Mr. Alan."

In 2010, I have a best friend that I called her "Kakak" because she was old than me. We are worked together in the same place. One day, she got promoted to replace our ex-manager.


Since then, she said to me, "Sofie, please don't call me kakak start today."  I felt so akward but I understand that situation. So, I call her Ms. Lai to stand for her Chinese name, Margaret Lai.

My colleague also called her Ms. Lai, not Ms. Margaret.

So, that's all my short story about me using this knowledge on page 2 of English Fast and Easy.

Thanks for reading this post.

With Love,
#Sofinah696


This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writting. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya...Jika korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-19

#01 : English Fast & Easy - Keep Going

Hello Everyone,

So, this is what I learned on the first page of the English Fast & Easy book.
This is my owned English Fast & Easy Challenge as I told you in the previous post. You can read it here.

On page 1, I learned about "KEEP GOING". That's means to continue. For example :

Example 1

A : “Can I stop running?”
B : “No, keep going. You need the exercise.”

Example 2

A : “Should we stop working at 6 o’clock?”
B : No, let’s keep going until 8 o’clock.”

My real story based on “Keep going” in past tense. So, It’s “Kept Going”.

Once upon a time, I have to find a job to fill my empty schedule. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and even on weekend, I have no idea what to do at home.



Well, as an ex-student in high school, I must find some new things to do. I thoughts, it's easy to find a job but I was wrong. However, I kept going to sent my resume anywhere as long as its look seemly for me.

One day, I called by a company for an interview. Then, one day afterward, I got a phone called from an executive of that company. She told me that I got a job as a part-time promoter.

I was happy at that time because I love to learn something new. But, after 3 months I worked at that company, I got no salary. My father was so angry but I fell in love with my job so I kept going to be a promoter.

Well, It’s worth it. After gained experience for almost a year, I got a permanent job as an artist with a very good salary. I also got a best friend at the company (an executive that I mentioned before) . After that, I didn’t expect that I’ll further study. So, I’ve to resign and continued my education for 1 year and a half. During that time, I still communicating with her via SMS. A few weeks after finish my STPM exam, she sent me a message thru SMS that she wants to meet me.

At that time, she wants me to join the company again as a back office staff but I refused. I refused because she is not my old best friend anymore. She's a manager level at that time. I don't want to be her best friend and at the same time, she is my boss. It's also bad idea if we in the same department. It’s kind of weird situation. Right? It's not because of jealous of my best friend achievement but it's is about...you know…our friendship will be confusing.

I am rather be a different department’s staff to maintain our friendship. I was ready to be front staff in the company, but some of my colleagues convinced me to keep going to the old position (back office staff).

Well, I regret it since she is not my best friend anymore. She’s also not my boss since then. Lol. However, I let it go and move on.

So, that's all my short story about me with using "keep going" phrase.

Thanks for reading this post.

With Love,
#Sofinah696


This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writting. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya...Jika korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-18

#00 : English Fast & Easy - Intro

Hello everyone,

Tonight, I should do my currency things. But, I kind of obsessed on this blog since I created it on 12 July 2018... Lol... OMG! I must focus on my work but it's okay, I'll not write too long on this post. Perhaps! Whahaha...


I want to share about a book titled, “ENGLISH FAST & EASY” that I bought 2 years ago… After 2 years, I just read until pages 16. Whahaha… Uh.. my bad.

Actually, this kind of book was really good for people like me. I said that because I'm currently trying to improve my English. And I still a beginner. Lol! 28 years old lady learn the basic of English? Really?

Whaha… I actually learning English randomly on the internet. So, I'm not sure my level yet. Then, I just bought a beginner English book. Besides, I got a bad result in MUET 9 years ago…

So, back to the topic. English Fast and Easy are written by Marianna Pascal. This book has a cool way to understand English easier because there are cartoons show you how to use phrases, examples help you to remember, and there are have a review exercises let you practice.

This book has 3 level and mine is level 1. Yeah I know I know… but I don’t care. Whehe… A few days ago, I have been thinking that I want to challenge myself to finish this book by reading it 1 page per day.

So, that’s mean I still can learn something daily although I’m busy. Right? But, I don't want to read it without sharing it here, yeah… In this blog.

Besides, this book presents us 1 lesson on 1 page. So, it's a right action to learn 1 page per day as a housewife, currency trader, bla bla bla bla… I’ve so many things to do every day. Hhuhu…

This book has 364 pages including review exercises. Meanwhile, it’s excluding answer key, about the author, about the illustrator, and table of contents. So, that's mean, I'll take a year to finish this book or less if I can read more than 1 page per day in free time. However, this challenge is must (wajib) 1 page per day. Minimum 1 per day. YeahH...

How I share in this blog? I'll write down everything I learn from that book and I'll share a story based on the lessons. The story is my real story of course... You'll know how I'll make it when I post my first read.

Oh ya! Since I have forgotten what I already read in 16 pages 2 years ago, I'll start on page 1 again. Hiks.

Thanks for reading this post.

With Love,
#Sofinah696

This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writting. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya... Since my post is bercampur dengan Malay, so... memang banyak lah masalah writing... Lol... But, If yang dalam English tu ada masalah tatabahasa or anything and korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-17

I'm sorry I can't be Perfect

It's Me, Sophee! 2011.
Perfect - Simple Pan



Hey, Dad, look at me
Think back, and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I want to do?
But it hurts when you disapproved all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for
You can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care any more
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's all right

'Cause we lost it all
And nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect


Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
And nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect


With Love,
#Sofinah696

Why I Suddenly Love English

It's Me, Sophee! 2018.

Hello Everyone,

In my post titled “It will Be Rojak", I had been writing about this blog will be writing in Malay and English language… I also told you that I want to share a story about me and the English Language. This time, I just want to share WHY I suddenly love to learn the English language such as writing, speaking, and listening whereas before I hated it very much!

Last year, I was watching youtube. Accidentally, I found a video of a girl from Indonesia talking about how she can speak English fluently.  I keep watching the video is not because I want to know the English tips. I keep watching because she was so cute!  Whahaha..!

I said, "Oh my god… she was so cute. Who is she?".
Her name is Wirda Mansur. If you want to know more about her, you can google her name. Hiks. She’s a popular Indonesian girl. You also can follow her Instagram too. She have a lot of interesting story.

After I watched that video, I continue to watch another video of her. OMG! Unexpectedly, I got inspired by her to learn English... I also motivated to practice to create a video of myself talking in front of the camera in the English language . But daaa I’ll never post it public ya. Whahaha… For practice purpose only.

I have bad memories of English when I was a kid until 19 years old.   Uhrmm... yeahh...around that age. Maybe that is not a big deal but I don’t know laa… Maybe I’m lazy to learn it. Lol…  Uhrrmm… but I’m pretty sure I hate it because I don’t understand that language.

Since watches Wirda Mansur videos, I  suddenly love English and I started to speak English at home with my husband. Well, my husband very good in English than me. I was told by an English teacher that he's a good English student during school. So, It's easy to learn English with him since he is my best partner of crime. Lol…  I don't feel embarrassed if I speak a wrong vocabulary or grammar.  Whahaha...

I also started to bought some English books to challenge myself to read more in English than Malay . The books’ genre is a fiction  novel, comics, and motivation that write in simple English. Oh, Ya ! Thank god that I still kept my old English books such as grammar book, basic English, and dictionary that I used during school a long time ago.

I thanks to god because some of my English books during I school already burned 5 years ago and I regret it. Hhuhuhu... It's too late to save it since we're a human that has no superpower to back to past ! OMG…  Do you can create a time machine for me? Hhaha.



Besides, I realized that English help me to improve my knowledge better regarding so many English books out there. A very good knowledge but they’re presented in an English. If I don’t learn English, I can’t read an interesting English book. OMG! So many incredible authors that write about magnificent stories, knowledge, experienced and imaginations.

Besides that, I also want to be an expert in this kind of language because I want to speak English anywhere, anytime,  and with anyone. I want to expend my ability.
After that, I also realized that I need this to improve my blog visitors, I have so many blogs actually  ...  Syhhtt... some of it is secret. Hiks…  Through my observations, there are so many articles in English on the internet got a billion audiences because of this friendly language. People love to search internet browser in English because there are so many choices of articles to read than in Malay.  Besides, English can be read by anyone from overseas. Yup! Not only in Malaysia (Malay people who don't understand an English).
 
Sometimes, we can't find any information on the internet about minority cases or story in Malay. Maybe because no one writes about it on the internet. If we can understand both languages, we got the bonus. Who can speak in both language will get many benefits.  This kind of awareness is not recently. I'm already aware of this since I still a student until I good job. Well, ego defeats consciousness. Lol…
   
But…

It’s better than I never want to…

Right?

With Love,
#Sofinah696



This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writing. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya... Since my post is bercampur dengan Malay, so... memang banyak lah masalah writing... Lol... But, If yang dalam English tu ada masalah tatabahasa or anything and korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-15

Don't Refuse to be a Kid Again

It's Me, Sophee! 2018.

Hello Everyone,

When I was 16 until 17 years old. I'm a happy and cheerful girl. This kind of feeling is invisible. No one can see it on my face (my reactions) or on my actioned. It's just like a wind. You can't see but you only can feel it especially if it touches you gently... but I'm pretty sure no one in my school especially at my home wants to know me deeply...  Do anybody know I was a happy girl? Nope. Showing emotions to other people is my weakness.

There are so many factors made my soul super magnificent. Which is, my best friends, favourite stationery, papers, colours, art class, books, diaries, favourite people, and teachers. There are some teachers made my day remarkable. However, I had no ability to block out any distraction like sadness, stupidity, mistaken, disappointed,  guilty or regret situations. That's life - It's normal as long as we're still a human that living on this planet! Lol... But, at that time, I'm fine. I'm okay... still under control because there some kind person being my shoulder secretly. They're also a very good listener.

When I was 18 years old, I still told people that my age is 17 years old. Hhaahaha! I'm afraid to be an adult. I'm not ready yet. I love people care about me as the younger. I loves to be surrounded by older person than me (sisters). It's not about fear of responsibility, commitment, marriage, high level of life but I just scared to fail. I don't know... It's like you're playing a video game and you're happy to reach next level but you're afraid to fail the hard challenge in that game.

I hate to be defeated. Primarily by myself! I don’t want to lose without trying hard to achieve my dream. Well, you know... I'm just an ordinary teenager under parents control. I was stuck. Which way should I go? Right or left? I can't try new thing but definitely, I followed my parents' rules in line with my owned wishes.

My age increased every year. I'm not a girl or teenage anymore. Naturally, I was forced to join the youth group without my authority... I'm changed either I like it or I hate it... I have to be an adult without any achievement as a teenager. I've no meaningful memories or good experience in seek knowledge especially in my passion course or in my interested field. At last, I left my dream behind me.

At any point, I forgot about my desire. I just followed the flow. I determined to be an adult and moving on. I commit to what other adult did such as became a serious person, tried hard to reject anything related enjoyment, I refused to buy something makes me happy. I stopped to buy stationery, papers, toys, comics, and games. I had been thinking that stuff was wasting my precious time. 

I had been busying making money, thinking about money, overtime every day, worked hard, I didn't have enough sleep and I used to go home late. Well, I hate to stay at home at that point.  Hhuhu..

One day, I realized what I did was not worth it. Something happened to me. I got internal problems. It's like a demon inside me awoke and I lost control. I think I'm a monster at that time.  Crazier monster.

The internal problems I mean here is............Uhrm, I don't know how to explain but... maybe I can tell you what I felt at that time.

I felt anger, stress, mad, hate, jealousy, sad, empty, confuse, frust, disappointed, give up and so on. I got so sensitive and my thoughts so fucking negative.

I push myself too much and I hit the limitations. I go through beyond my ability and over expectations. Then, I can't accept reality. Finally, I felt so stress on my mistaken, I hated my failure, I'm angry so much! I'm angry about everything and I had blamed people around me. I felt like want to kill them. I yelled at them and I got the fight. I was injured my self. I broke things and I don't care - yes! rebellious.

I'm sorry... I had hurt people I love without conscious.



I was smile and laugh but inside me felt damn shit, I'm crying inside and my soul fulfills with sadness. I miss my favourite person. I want to express my feelings but I was damn confused. Nobody loves the beast, right? I can't sleep, I don't eat healthily and my reputation drops drastically. My boss hates me. My salary didn't grow and my liabilities increased.

I tried to calm down. I tried hard to not angry anybody. But it's very complicated situations when I'm quite a lot. I felt so much pain, lonely, scared and sad for no reason. Sometimes, I had been thinking, did I got mental now?

I also worked hard to stop my internal problems by busying myself and done my good job. But I didn't understand, its more and more worsted. Seriously, guys, I had no inspirations, no motivations, no matlamat hidup and I felt so fucking empty! Can you imagine while you standing in a crowded place but you still feel empty? Then, you don't see anyone but you.  Only you.

. . . . .


Welcome to my life - Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what its like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what its like to be like me
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one there to save you
No you don't know what its like
Welcome to my life

Do you want to be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what its like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what its like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one there to save you
No you don't know what its like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what its like
What its like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one there to save you
No you don't know what its like
What its like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what its like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
 . . . . .

My internal problems also gave a negative effect on my friendship. I got fought with my best friend and she was cried. I hurting her deeply but she didn't realize I felt betrayed by her. Or maybe it's just my negative thinking and I misunderstood the situations. But yeah! She betrayed me and manipulate me since the beginning - I guess. I still remember the bad words I gave her; "I hate you and please die!" oh my god! What I'm doing...

When I throwback this situation, I'm astonished by how bad I became on a black day.  Uhrmm.. yeahh..For me, it's more than a black day but It's dark too much! I can't see the light at all even Firefly. Lol... 

Nowadays, we don't talk anymore. Oh my god ...  I miss her actually. I'm sorry for everything I had done. Sometimes, I had been thinking that I can fix this. Perhaps, we can be friend again.  Uhrmm...maybe we're better like this. I don't know. God knows better.

Since its happened, I left her and the place. Never return back. Tried to open the new page in my life.  Well, it's not easy. I failed again. I must do it a thousand time before I get it easier. My life not running smoothly despite I got a big salary. I spent my money like tomorrow I'll die. Hhahaha... Until today, I don't know what exactly I bought. Lol... But I still remember what type of place I went to. What place do you think a broken person like me go? Well, I refuse to mention it.

I love to run away from reality. I love to run away from my problems. Uhrmm, I started doing the bad things and its became my routine activity like smoked. I also hung out with not really good people such as severe alcoholic drinkers and dressed sexy. I also cheated for the sake of myself. 

One day I got fought with my father again. More worst than before. I got slapped, kicked and beaten because of my bad behaviour. We yelled at each other. My father cried after I mention all the old issues about me while I was a kid and teenager. Some cases I'm not satisfied with my life and I blamed him. At this moment, I totally forgot my teachers' advice and I lost in my upset.
. . . . .


Perfect - Simple Plan

Hey, Dad, look at me
Think back, and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doing things I want to do?
But it hurts when you disapproved all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for
You can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care any more
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's all right

'Cause we lost it all
And nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
And nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

. . . . .

Third people came to my home and met us. They helped us to calm down and stop fighting. They're my close person at that time. Can be said as my second parents but not officially. It's just for business requirement. I say like that because we're not close if not dealing with business matter but they knew my personal problems.

They also know how to deal with my parents and we can hang out until 3 am for business matter. They're expert to calm me down and... yeahh..I'm happy to be with them. At the moment, I forgot my negative side and tried hard to keep positive as I ever  been.

Anyhow, I can't always be with them all the time since I failed to achieve my sales target in my business. We're not in the same level. I also refuse to stay in that company so long although they are really nice people. I'll share with you about them soon and why I felt uncomfortable about it (if I have free time).

Then, in 2012, the middle of the year I guess. I had been fighting myself to be normal again. I wearing the hijab again. I tried hard to accept my fate and believe there something better for me.

I started to read my childhood and teenage favourite books again such as self-help, motivation, fantasy genre. Sometimes, I read business books to improve my knowledge about it. I had been trying to understand myself, my situations and my life. Sometimes, I watched my favourite movies such as Harry Potter series, Spy Kids and animations. Them makes me so happy and makes me automatically remember how to be cheerful again.

Alhamdulillah, I stop smoke and stop to hang out with inappropriate people. I chose to more positive, simplified, motivated, optimism and I was wishing to get better things in my life. 

Well, sometimes an adult life is very complicated with our own belief, faith, experience, broken hurt, childhood background and current situations. After I'm back in the right alley, I got so many good gifted from Allah. It's amazed me. What an incredible moment!

I got married to a super understand man, Mr.Bee... He's a very committed person, love me as who I am and accept all my past story and he's sweet husband. He can accept all my weird actions. Lol. He also a very good listener and mentor. well, he more patient and calm than me. Yyeahh! cool!

My husband also a man who knows me better than my parents and family. He can make me calm down about something I don't like and he not taking seriously if I say, "Damn! I hate my boss!" because he knew I don't mean it.  Whahaha. I just a little bit angry at that point. I'll be fine tomorrow. hiks. He also know how to intercept my bad mood. Lol...

After I married, I'm busy on my internet business and we doing it 24 hours together from home. I also busy thinking about our next planning and struggling for saving money.But one day, I got realized there is something missing in me. 

I wondered, what actually happened to me. Oh! From 2014 until 2015 I tried to understand myself. Why did I feel like I'm missing something in my happier life? But I still don't know what it is. One day, both of us went on vacation and do anything we love. Suddenly, I found what exactly I need.     

I told you before, I refuse to be a kid like buying toys, stationery, colouring book, pencil colour, papers, comics and so on because I pretending like I'm a perfect adult. Drawing, stationery, and toys are the pieces I missing in my happiness.   

Yyeah... I did not expect I had  forgotten this thing so long. Its lost in my upset also lost in my happiness. Lol. I had drawn in 2014 or 2015 but It's just nothing. Just while I'm in a boring situation I don't take it as a serious activity.After that, I still don't realize that important to me.   

Don't Refuse to be a Kid Again 

Early 2016, I decided to create a blog called www.sopheestudio.com for sharing my drawing and some notes about art. That blog is not really for traffic or audience requirement. It's just for my personal used but I still allowed people to read it (It's public) because I'm not expert in art or drawing but I really love it and I really enjoy to do it. Since I still need to find out my own drawing personality, so I don't want to make it serious too much for increasing visitors. Besides, it's more functioning as motivation if I feel tired or give up since I have to start it again from the beginning...  That sound is like I have a real studio but actually, I didn't.  Lol.



Well, I left this hobby very long time. I need refreshment. I don't remember my own technique and this hobby will demanding plenty of my time to improve my skill. Well, I hate to draw like budak sekolah tadika on this age. Whahaha.

Then, during the year I often to draw and spent my money to bought stationery such as colour pencils, pencils (almost all grades), watercolour, poster colour, crayon and much more...  My Mr.Bee also support me from many aspects which is buy for me drawing materials and he gave me space, plenty of time to focus on this hobby. I temporarily stop handling our online business clients.

After a few months, I got back my stability in this kind of hobby. I started to dive into my mind while drawing anything especially a people  portrait. I love to draw faces. I don't know why. I feel like I'm flying and touch the clouds then I fell down from the high place and directly entered another dimension. Drawing portrait while listening to pop music at that time made me amazed and I felt incredible. I was like surrounded by firefly, cute bugs, roses, flowers, bees, ladybugs and others magnificent creatures.   

I don't know how to describe it. It's like you entered the fantasy world. I feel freedom, I feel joy. Double happiness. Yup! There is like no burden on my shoulder anymore.

This kind of feelings, made me realized that this activity (drawing anything you like either it's attractive people or not) is not only for kids. But, Its super effective to be a good therapy for me. I feel super duper better!

After so much pain while I was a kid and teenager especially teenager, I decided to be a perfect adult and try to forget my childhood and teenager memories behind me. I thought with remove everything my childhood favourite activities, hobbies and my best part of childhood attitude will makes me more better...

Well, I was wrong. I became messed and worsted! After I feel so much beautiful emotions while I'm drawing, I started to recall  every beautiful memories and moments while I was a kid. I'm focus on positive memories and I left behind all negative memories. I want to feel my beautiful side again. You'll don't expect how much your childhood moment makes you a happier person especially if you focus on good memories. You will be you again and you will love people around you again as what kid do.

When I was a kid

When I was a kid, I'm very cheerful and happier kid. I love the sun, I love rain, I love everything either it's hot or cold.

When I was a kid, I love to draw very much. I had been drawing with my mom and my dad. Sometimes, I was cried when my mom busy in the kitchen because I wanted her to join me in drawing or colouring. 

I still remember very clearly, I love to draw the flower with my dad and I'm happy when he helped me to colour the flower with red pencil colour. I also remember, my mom loves to buy me colouring books and we coloured the books together while my dad went to work.   

I felt so much guilty and little bit upset after I recalled all these memories because I'm too busy want them to understand me but I forgot to understand them. There are so many sweet memories created while I was a kid with them. It's made me felt like someone slapped  me at my face! Oh my god, how selfish I am! I'm sorry. I should recall this early.

When I was a kid, I also love to manage my stuff neatly. I mean, I have organized my toys, books, drawing, favourite stuff and much more. I don't learn 5S when I was a kid but I have that talent naturally. It's just like my mom and It's my favourite activity at that time. I enjoyed it so much. 

I also love toys, I play my toys alone (since my sister is not at home almost 12 hours daily and also on weekend) and I will sink with those toys. I can do it all day long. I feel good and I love it.

At any point, my dad bought me a video game and I spent a lot of time to play it until I expert on every game especially during school holidays...  Oftenly, I play together with my dad since my mom was not a gamer housewife. Lol.

As a kid, we enjoy everything especially our favourite stuff and hobbies. We watching cartoons, reading comics, and so on.  We also easy to forgive and ask for forgiveness. When we fight with a friend,  it does not take a long time to settle. Maybe tomorrow, we friend again. We also easy to accept and adopt situation and fate. We will happy with small matter. We always laugh and we enjoy every moment. 

Yes, maybe because we are kids. We don't understand pressure like how to making a lot of money. How to pay bills and how to buy new clothes. but the point is...

CHOOSE HAPPINESS like what kids do for their self. We must balance mentally to be happy.

Since kids are an honest human on this planet, when they love someone, they really mean it. They don't know how to manipulate people feelings. Kids know how to angry but they don't know what is revenge. They don't revenge unless you teach them. Kids love to let it go.     

Kids have a sincere heart. So we must learn to be a kid again. Don't afraid to enjoy our old self (kid). Don't refuse to be a kid again.

Maybe we will be facing our guilty but feeling of blame people is over. Let past go. Learn to forgive people. Stop hating. Stop revenge. Trying to trust people. Love people more. Give more. Love more. Do what we love. Spend more time with a loved one. Create the happy family. Keep smiling. Leave   every negative thinking behind and bring all your positive vibes to the future. Be kind.

It's hard for the first time but you must do it a thousand time before you get it easier.

If you still have a chance to fix any relationship. Fix it before it's too late.
If you can't, It's okay. Maybe it's fate. Let it go.
If you still can do your favourite activity/hobbies, just do it before your life is over.
This planet is not forever after like in fantasy books or movie. Lol...

Don't refuse to be a kid. Don't forget your wonderful childhood memory.

It will help you to awake and understand who you are and what exactly you want in your life.

Me? happiness and gratitude for myself, my husband, my parents, my family and my favourite people.

With Love,
#Sofinah696


This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writing. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya... Since my post is bercampur dengan Malay, so... memang banyak lah masalah writing... Lol... But, If yang dalam English tu ada masalah tatabahasa or anything and korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...

2018-07-13

Puisi Spontan and Cerpen Spontan

It's Me, Sophee! 2013.

Hello Everyone,

In this post, I want to share with you about my "Puisi spontan" and "Cerpen spontan". Actually, it's doesn't really a poem or cerpen because.. you know, Its just my spontaneous thoughts that I wrote it down. I'm not sure it's a poem or not because, I think, there had no poem format at all. Wahaha... I felt the gaya bahasa also weak.

But, I don't know what to call it. So, I just name it as "Puisi Spontan" and "Cerpen Spontan" since I wrote it down spontaneously.



"Puisi Spontan" and "Cerpen Spontan" ni sebenarnya about my feeling, my story, my memories and my imagination based on my real story. Sometimes, I wrote about something I saw in my dream while I slept. No no no... I mean, I wrote it after I awake. Lol...

Between "Cerpen Spontan" and "Puisi Spontan", I write more in "Puisi Spontan" form because it's more easy and fast to describe what in my mind and my feelings. Maybe one day, it will be a serious poem format. I don't know yet... I love learning sastera while I was 17 until 19 years old. Then, now... I forgot every single knowledge about it. Wahahahahaha... especially about gaya bahasa. I need more dramatic words you know! Wakakaka.

Actually, I wrote this "Puisi Spontan" and "Cerpen Spontan" in my main blog - www.sofinahlamudin.com. Since, my Google Adsense approved in January this year, OMG! Thank GOD! So, I want that blog more serious in a various way. Which is my language, my grammar, the content, the SEO formats, the related keywords and words density...So, I decided to continue my "Puisi spontan" and "Cerpen spontan" in this blog. This blog is 360 degrees suitable for my "Curhat". Hiks. You know what is "Curhat"? No? Google it. Lol.

But, walaupun begitu... I will never delete my old "Cerpen Spontan" and "Puisi Spontan" at my main blog yang sudah sekian lama "bertapak" di blog tersebut. So, let it go... Yang lama biar di situ, yang baru kita sambung sini. YyeahHH! Besides, google hate author who like publish it then delete it. It's not good behaviour bagi google spider. Fuhh...

OKe... Now I present you all my "Puisi Spontan" and "Cerpen Spontan". Click on any heading below if you want to read it.

Puisi Spontan

2018

1. Adakah kau rindu?
2. Kerana hatiku yang tenggelam

2013

1. Apabila ku lihat kamu
2. Kuatkan hati, yang terbaik untuk kita semua
3. Hanya tuhan yang tahu
4. Air mata
5. Anggap sahaja perasaan itu adalah terlalu biasa

2011

1. Aku dah besar
2. Pelangi selepas hujan
3. Rindu dengan semua itu
4. Ini yang terbaik
5. Up and Down
6. Mungkin ini lah sebabnya
7. Unique of me is best of me
8. Ni wo de peng you ; Wo ai ni tomodachi
9. Sunday kehujanan
10. Larut malam

That's all my past "Puisi Spontan".


Cerpen Spontan

2013

1. Kerana suatu kebiasaan

2011

2. Bangun! Jangan berhenti!
3. Dikala kau akan pergi

Tu jer.. Lol... In Shaa Allah will be more hardworking for this next time.

I guess, ada yang belum di list kan kat sini, but I'll add it here if I found other Puisi Spontan or Cerpen Spontan.

With Love,
#Sofinah696



This is my writing issues in this post. I used grammarly apps to help me analyze this post writing. But, I have no idea apa masalahnya... Since my post is bercampur dengan Malay, so... memang banyak lah masalah writing... Lol... But, If yang dalam English tu ada masalah tatabahasa or anything and korang tahu apa masalahnya, please let me know in comment section below, Oke! Thanks...